Self-Inquiry with Hillary Rodrigues, May 17, 2026

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We met on the lawn at Swanwick Centre and began with the question: What is “what-is?” There seems to be different levels of “what-is?” What-is 1: The word, the reaction, the conditioning etc. What-is 2: Looking at the word/reaction choicelessly where “what-is” flowers and dies. What-is 3: Choiceless awareness of “what-is” new, and having an insight. Are there different levels of awareness?

“What-is” is often some aspect of conditioned consciousness. Krishnamurti says, start there. If there is an awareness choicelessly of that, it morphs, it doesn’t remain static. Thought introduces the idea that we need to be doing something other than being aware without conflict. Thought is itself conflict. Choicefulness introduces resistance. Why do we do that? So we can project an idea of what will make us happy in the future? The notion that if we don’t choose right I won’t be happy in the future creates tension and effort. The mind almost always has something to say about what comes in.

For example, looking at a tree with the past knowledge of the tree, we don’t see the tree. There is a subtle fear when looking at the tree through knowledge. The tree is unique in the moment but when we see our reaction to the tree, and then comment on that reaction, we are living in the past. We are naturally afraid because we can’t see the moment. Is this blindness part of fear? Are we afraid because we are missing out on the new? Yet, if we lost our vision suddenly, we would wish to see the tree, and see it afresh if we regained sight.

Can we bring this quality of freshness to the perception of a tree or a thought, a beautiful flower or a beautifully flowering thought? Can we enter a field of curiosity with what is around us? Why might we still think, “I don’t yet have the awareness that I need?” Do we need to have a quiet mind for choiceless awareness? Why the violence and conflict? If nature is so wow, what makes it interesting to attack others? If “what-is” is so cool, why are we moving away from it? Is it the fear of the unknown?

If we are thinking all the time, do we have the energy or space for awareness/insight? Does this wasting of energy in constant thought keep us stuck in conditioned thought, and is this stuckness part of fear? Why is the me there when it’s not needed? Are we caught in the thought-based “what-is” so that we are not sensitive to the “WHAT-IS?” Are we afraid of the unknown or is it that we are not sensitive to the unknown? “I need this thought to keep me comfortable because of fear of the unknown because I don’t know what is coming next.” Can we be afraid of the unknown when we don’t know what it is? Can we live with a quality of sensitivity? Can we ponder the fear of the self vanishing? If there was no more me, would we being doing something differently? What-is is that.

  • Andrea Grey