Archive for category: Event Summaries

Krishnamurti Study Group Saturday, May 16, 2015  Four people met on the lawn at the Centre to continue our study of Krishnamurti’s book The First and Last Freedom.  The chapter being explored, chapter 5, was entitled Action and Idea.  The main point that K was focusing on was the limitation of action which is initiated from mental ideation and the possibility of action without premeditation or thought of any kind.  Is it possible to act without thought?  And how do ideas arise in us?  The reading stimulated an interesting dialogue about these questions, including looking at the “me” idea which may be the source of all psychological problems.  It was asked what motivates us to act and to look into ourselves to discover a more harmonious way of acting and being.  The point was made that it is an intense curiosity about ourselves and how we function outwardly and inwardly that really brings a sustained looking which can bring transformation.  Ultimately we look because we love to do so.  The next meeting will continue with the second half of Chapter 5.

Am I free? Can I answer this question without simply agreeing with a preconceived notion of what freedom is? Outwardly, it seems I am free—I can go where I wish, interact freely with others, and express myself freely. So it seems I can act freely. But are my values and perceptions, which guide the choices behind my actions, actually a result of my own free will? Or are they perhaps the result of sociocultural conditioning? If I see that inwardly I am not free, could this lead to an understanding that gives rise to true freedom?  If I look at my internal world and question whether or not I am free inwardly, I can’t declare with certainty that my thoughts are rooted in values and perceptions that I personally formed of my own free will. Instead, I see that I have internalized the values of a society that values hierarchy, competition and material success above all else, and that even in subtle ways these values have shaped my perceptions—they heavily influence the way I relate to the world, to others and to myself. This isn’t a matter of accepting a truth that allows me to avail myself of personal responsibility, or to solidify an identity as some sort of enlightened outsider or proudly informed cynic. It’s certainly not a matter of finding a new reason to feel bad about myself. Rather, I’m really asking the questions: “Why am I unhappy?” and “Why do I feel so disconnected from other people most of the time?” Since I was young, I was fed this notion that in order to be happy in life, I need to achieve a certain degree of material success; I was taught that happiness is a matter of status, achievement and acquisition. Even while many parents and teachers try to teach cooperation and respect to children, the overall educational system and the greater culture ultimately emphasize competition, status, and deference to authority. Externally, these things ultimately serve to perpetuate a power structure that is a modification of older dynastic and imperialist systems. Internally though, how do these values affect us? How are they playing out in our lives as individuals on a daily basis? Is the basic truth of my experience the same for others? Here I am, 34 years old, and feeling quite lost in this world. The course of my life has thus far deviated from the prescribed path that apparently leads to success and happiness, and I find that I am dissatisfied with my life. But is the reason for my dissatisfaction really that I haven’t achieved certain things, that I haven’t become a certain person, or is it that I’ve internalized a false paradigm that dictates the conditions for my happiness? In other words, is my dissatisfaction actually rooted in the fact that I am conditioned, that I am not truly free inside? Furthermore, while I cherish moments of true connection with others, I often find myself measuring my own worth in comparison to those whom I perceive to have achieved and acquired more than I have. This perception is a very narrow one that excludes the complexity of both my life and theirs, and even though I can see how silly it is when I really look at it, the fact remains that this pattern is here, inside me. Could this perception be connected to the paradigm of competition that is so emphasized in this society? I have come to perceive myself in a number of ways that cause me to contract and shut down around others, and wear a mask to protect myself in social situations. I’ve taken on very narrow perceptions of others and myself, which prevent me from relating to them in a truly connected way. Are these really my perceptions, which I have chosen of my own free will, or do they reflect something that I’ve unconsciously adopted from my environment—from my upbringing, my education, and my culture? Those are just some observations of my current experience as an individual and a member of this society. When I look at my inner world in relation to the outer world, I can’t help but question the true nature of my perceptions and what I take for granted as simply being “my” thoughts (which include “my” fears, hopes and dreams). I am grateful to have many kind and loving people in my life, but this is an exploration into why, among other things, I feel so disconnected despite that fact; this is an exploration into why I find it so hard to be happy without buying into some superficial notion of happiness or success. So, am I free? And if I am not, can I look at myself in a way that brings about an understanding that is not rooted in the same conditioning that binds me? Can I then begin to have deeper compassion for both others and myself? Can I step back and ask myself, “What’s really happening here? What’s at the root of both my dissatisfaction and my search for happiness?” Could I perhaps find contentment in living my life as it is, without always measuring my own value against some pre-existing paradigm—without, perhaps, measuring or judging at all? Would this be freedom? JR “It seems to me that before we set out on a journey to find reality, to find God, before we can act, before we can have any relationship with another, which is society, it is essential that we begin to understand ourselves first… Now without knowing yourself, without knowing your own way of thinking and why you think certain things, without knowing the background of your conditioning and why you have certain beliefs about art and religion, about your country and your neighbour and about yourself, how can you think truly about anything? Without knowing your background, without knowing the substance of your thought, and whence it comes—surely your search is utterly futile, your action has no meaning, has it? Whether you are an American or a Hindu or whatever your religion is has no meaning either. Before we can find out what the end-purpose of life is, what it all means—wars, national antagonisms, conflicts, the whole mess—we must begin with ourselves, must we not?” J. Krishnamurti, The First and Last Freedom

Last year I was introduced to the teachings of Jiddu Krishnamurti. While his observations struck a deep chord within me, in retrospect I was only capable of relating to his message in a very limited way. This is in part due to the fact that his teachings are indeed quite novel and intellectually challenging, but also because my ego was filtering out a great deal information so as to mould his message to its own egoic patterns. At first this exercise was very stimulating and seemingly enlightening, but the outcome of such a way of relating to his teachings was inevitable- I would only absorb so much and then feel compelled to move on to other forms of “spiritual” stimulation so that my mental patterns would remain sustained and intact. Now, by the latter what I’m actually saying is that I really am usually quite uncomfortable simply being with myself in the present moment, and am almost always finding ways to be anywhere but here, to be anything but what I actually am. Spirituality has been a big part of my identity for a very long time, but over the past year this aspect of my ego really intensified and became the central theme of much of my thinking. I moved from K to Mooji and then found myself deeply immersed in the teachings of the many non-duality teachers who share their messages online and in many books that I read. Now, this wasn’t all for naught. My growing knowledge enabled a much deeper understanding of spiritual teachings and texts, from contemporary teachers to Buddhist, Taoist and Vedic scriptures.  I also became intuitively aware of certain perspectives which I’m sure will continue to shape my perception in meaningful ways. For these things I am grateful. But my growing understanding also further solidified my belief in some ideal alternative state to be attained, hence increasing the belief that I can be and am supposed to be something different than what I actually am. By placing increasing importance on a non-dual ideal I was actually feeding my dualistic thinking. And so I experienced a growing state of division inside. This growing division was at first more of a subconscious process, however I’ve become increasingly aware of the actuality of what is occurring and now see a serious need to address this division in a more honest and grounded way. One of my main goals over the past year, after all, has been to heal inner division, even while I was actually feeding it. With growing inward division comes growing outward hypocrisy (paraphrasing K), and instead of becoming a more authentic person I found myself increasingly compelled to wear the mask I have so desperately longed to discard.             Last night I decided to go back to Freedom from the Known. I went to the specific chapters relevant to what I feel I am particularly struggling with, and instead of the mostly abstract spiritual perspectives I’ve been so immersed in, I found K was addressing me, as I truly am. Instead of abstract spiritual concepts of a transcendent self that actually isn’t my experience of self at this time (despite glimpses of expanded awareness), I found words addressing my current struggle as a human being, along with a message that urges me to be with myself in the present moment and really see what’s actually happening. So long as we are seeking to become other than what we are, believing our current state is merely something to be transcended or improved, how can we be truly present with ourselves? How can we be present enough to see ourselves and others clearly, in this moment, and allow for compassion to arise as a natural response to the fear and suffering that are at the root of our divisive and self-defeating beliefs and behaviours? I look at myself and see that I continually run from the present.  I have become deeply dissatisfied with myself and seek comfort in a variety of ways, which ultimately stops me from being present with myself and finally understanding what it is that I’m running from and why I’m running. My growing understanding of psychology and spirituality has made me increasingly aware of my inner workings as an individual, but without a framework of truth such awareness can easily lead one astray, either into despair or a newly glorified identity that is even more of a barrier to authenticity and presence. It seems to me K’s teachings are uniquely grounded in such a framework of truth, and that they have a unique capacity to point us to the truth in this moment, which is the truth of who we are as individuals and as a society.  I’ve come back to K a number of times over the past year, but it seems I am only now finally aware enough to read his teachings and say “Yes” from a place of honest agreement. This “yes” involves a clearer seeing of myself in the present, including both the loving and unloving aspects of myself, as an individual and a connected part of a much larger system. I am deeply grateful to all the teachers out there who speak from a place of awareness, and while I might question the value of different approaches, certainly I have received valuable gems of wisdom from many sources. I have deepest respect for many of these teachers, whose wisdom resonates with me on a deep level. Indeed, I think it would be impossible for me to abandon certain truths that have come into my awareness as a result of these teachers. It’s just that I need to remain vigilantly mindful of what’s actually driving me in this and other realms of my life if I am not to continue leading myself astray, and it seems to me that K’s teachings are unsurpassed in their ability to help me stay on track in this way. Ultimately, the goal is still greater peace and greater awareness, but I can only work with what is actually happening in the present, in this complex and beautiful and messy present that is my current experience as a human being. JR *I understand this is a very lengthy piece, however I felt the need to express myself fully and this length was required for me to do so. Thank you very much if you took the time to read it. Cheers!

K talks about the nonsense of re-incarnation. And no wonder… In the modern era, it was the works of Madame Blavatsky, co-founder of the Theosophical Society, which brought it a new found popularity of re-incarnation, especially in the West – and coddled a young Jiddu from his teens to become the new Spiritual messiah of the world. But – to elaborate from my perspective… Although, there’s a good deal of evidence that certain people recall their ‘past lives’ as I did in a “Past life regression session” with a well-known devotee of the famous clairvoyant Edgar Cayce. The ‘apparent’ time-honoured doctrine of karma and rebirth – one’s so-called ‘reincarnation’ as a higher human or “godling” if one has behaved admirably throughout life, as a lower human or higher animal if one has behaved badly, as a lower animal or demon if one has behaved appallingly? As humans, there’s nothing here that cannot be ascribed to clairvoyance or telepathy – for which there’s a great deal of evidence. So that when I imagine I’m remembering my experience as a Roman centurion, what I’m doing is picking up large areas of his experience. And witnessing to the fact that deep down we all merge. Indeed the trouble with reincarnation is that it doesn’t go nearly far enough. If it told me that ultimately all consciousness is my consciousness, or that consciousness is ultimately indivisible, I would have no quarrel with it. As for the claim that one can recall one’s subhuman lives, what’s to show this isn’t what it looks like – futile daydreaming? In fact this dogma of reincarnation (though in its time a brave and ingenious attempt to account for life’s injustices) makes no sense to me at all. Or, if it’s not necessary for memories to bridge the gaps between reincarnations, what else does so? And in what sense are they my reincarnations? Millions of intelligent people go on paying lip-service to this hallowed myth; clearly few take it seriously enough to go into it. The real solution of all such problems about one’s past and future lies in one’s present. Besides, one isn’t incarnate anyway – I as Awareness (the First Person Singular) isn’t in a body now – so what’s all this fuss about reincarnation?