A Year of Spiritual Detours

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Last year I was introduced to the teachings of Jiddu Krishnamurti. While his observations struck a deep chord within me, in retrospect I was only capable of relating to his message in a very limited way. This is in part due to the fact that his teachings are indeed quite novel and intellectually challenging, but also because my ego was filtering out a great deal information so as to mould his message to its own egoic patterns. At first this exercise was very stimulating and seemingly enlightening, but the outcome of such a way of relating to his teachings was inevitable- I would only absorb so much and then feel compelled to move on to other forms of “spiritual” stimulation so that my mental patterns would remain sustained and intact. Now, by the latter what I’m actually saying is that I really am usually quite uncomfortable simply being with myself in the present moment, and am almost always finding ways to be anywhere but here, to be anything but what I actually am. Spirituality has been a big part of my identity for a very long time, but over the past year this aspect of my ego really intensified and became the central theme of much of my thinking. I moved from K to Mooji and then found myself deeply immersed in the teachings of the many non-duality teachers who share their messages online and in many books that I read. Now, this wasn’t all for naught. My growing knowledge enabled a much deeper understanding of spiritual teachings and texts, from contemporary teachers to Buddhist, Taoist and Vedic scriptures.  I also became intuitively aware of certain perspectives which I’m sure will continue to shape my perception in meaningful ways. For these things I am grateful. But my growing understanding also further solidified my belief in some ideal alternative state to be attained, hence increasing the belief that I can be and am supposed to be something different than what I actually am. By placing increasing importance on a non-dual ideal I was actually feeding my dualistic thinking. And so I experienced a growing state of division inside. This growing division was at first more of a subconscious process, however I’ve become increasingly aware of the actuality of what is occurring and now see a serious need to address this division in a more honest and grounded way. One of my main goals over the past year, after all, has been to heal inner division, even while I was actually feeding it. With growing inward division comes growing outward hypocrisy (paraphrasing K), and instead of becoming a more authentic person I found myself increasingly compelled to wear the mask I have so desperately longed to discard.             Last night I decided to go back to Freedom from the Known. I went to the specific chapters relevant to what I feel I am particularly struggling with, and instead of the mostly abstract spiritual perspectives I’ve been so immersed in, I found K was addressing me, as I truly am. Instead of abstract spiritual concepts of a transcendent self that actually isn’t my experience of self at this time (despite glimpses of expanded awareness), I found words addressing my current struggle as a human being, along with a message that urges me to be with myself in the present moment and really see what’s actually happening. So long as we are seeking to become other than what we are, believing our current state is merely something to be transcended or improved, how can we be truly present with ourselves? How can we be present enough to see ourselves and others clearly, in this moment, and allow for compassion to arise as a natural response to the fear and suffering that are at the root of our divisive and self-defeating beliefs and behaviours? I look at myself and see that I continually run from the present.  I have become deeply dissatisfied with myself and seek comfort in a variety of ways, which ultimately stops me from being present with myself and finally understanding what it is that I’m running from and why I’m running. My growing understanding of psychology and spirituality has made me increasingly aware of my inner workings as an individual, but without a framework of truth such awareness can easily lead one astray, either into despair or a newly glorified identity that is even more of a barrier to authenticity and presence. It seems to me K’s teachings are uniquely grounded in such a framework of truth, and that they have a unique capacity to point us to the truth in this moment, which is the truth of who we are as individuals and as a society.  I’ve come back to K a number of times over the past year, but it seems I am only now finally aware enough to read his teachings and say “Yes” from a place of honest agreement. This “yes” involves a clearer seeing of myself in the present, including both the loving and unloving aspects of myself, as an individual and a connected part of a much larger system. I am deeply grateful to all the teachers out there who speak from a place of awareness, and while I might question the value of different approaches, certainly I have received valuable gems of wisdom from many sources. I have deepest respect for many of these teachers, whose wisdom resonates with me on a deep level. Indeed, I think it would be impossible for me to abandon certain truths that have come into my awareness as a result of these teachers. It’s just that I need to remain vigilantly mindful of what’s actually driving me in this and other realms of my life if I am not to continue leading myself astray, and it seems to me that K’s teachings are unsurpassed in their ability to help me stay on track in this way. Ultimately, the goal is still greater peace and greater awareness, but I can only work with what is actually happening in the present, in this complex and beautiful and messy present that is my current experience as a human being. JR *I understand this is a very lengthy piece, however I felt the need to express myself fully and this length was required for me to do so. Thank you very much if you took the time to read it. Cheers!

Speaking and Listening

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It is very rare to hear a speaker who speaks clearly every word and sentence slowly and who feels a sense of space and silence between the words and sentences. Generally, people who are very fluent in speaking, speak habitually, mechanically and intellectually. They cannot affect listeners at deeper levels. Silent awareness is necessary while speaking or writing to communicate effectively especially when people are discussing about the nature of mind and psychological problems arising in human relationship.

The Myth of REINCARNATION

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K talks about the nonsense of re-incarnation. And no wonder… In the modern era, it was the works of Madame Blavatsky, co-founder of the Theosophical Society, which brought it a new found popularity of re-incarnation, especially in the West – and coddled a young Jiddu from his teens to become the new Spiritual messiah of the world. But – to elaborate from my perspective… Although, there’s a good deal of evidence that certain people recall their ‘past lives’ as I did in a “Past life regression session” with a well-known devotee of the famous clairvoyant Edgar Cayce. The ‘apparent’ time-honoured doctrine of karma and rebirth – one’s so-called ‘reincarnation’ as a higher human or “godling” if one has behaved admirably throughout life, as a lower human or higher animal if one has behaved badly, as a lower animal or demon if one has behaved appallingly? As humans, there’s nothing here that cannot be ascribed to clairvoyance or telepathy – for which there’s a great deal of evidence. So that when I imagine I’m remembering my experience as a Roman centurion, what I’m doing is picking up large areas of his experience. And witnessing to the fact that deep down we all merge. Indeed the trouble with reincarnation is that it doesn’t go nearly far enough. If it told me that ultimately all consciousness is my consciousness, or that consciousness is ultimately indivisible, I would have no quarrel with it. As for the claim that one can recall one’s subhuman lives, what’s to show this isn’t what it looks like – futile daydreaming? In fact this dogma of reincarnation (though in its time a brave and ingenious attempt to account for life’s injustices) makes no sense to me at all. Or, if it’s not necessary for memories to bridge the gaps between reincarnations, what else does so? And in what sense are they my reincarnations? Millions of intelligent people go on paying lip-service to this hallowed myth; clearly few take it seriously enough to go into it. The real solution of all such problems about one’s past and future lies in one’s present. Besides, one isn’t incarnate anyway – I as Awareness (the First Person Singular) isn’t in a body now – so what’s all this fuss about reincarnation?  

May 9 Meetup: Dealing with Unconsciousness

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This month, there were 7 of us who met at the centre to watch an Eckhart Tolle video and enjoy some sharing on the topic of “Dealing with Unconsciousness”.  The talk explored the common occurrence whereby people can for a moment or longer, lose their sense of presence and become overtaken by strong emotions or reactions (he sometimes relates this to the ‘pain body’ – an energy field that is stuck and usually linked to some form of emotion and specific thoughts).  Eckhart shared a few practical suggestions that he has seen work well for people in moving through experiences of unconsciousness and shifting back to a more spacious being. Tips that stuck out for me: Avoidance of situations or people who ‘trigger us’ is not necessarily the ideal.  Each of these situations is actually an opportunity to strengthen our acceptance of ‘what is’ and to become more present.  As K. has said when he was speaking about the key to happiness/peace, “I don’t mind what happens” Take-away:  prickly people or uncomfortable situations can be gifts inviting a deeper acceptance or embracing of what is. Eckhart suggests that we may have enough self-awareness to know which situations or people tend to bring out a strong bout of unconscious reaction and offers that these may be times when we can assume a position of gentle self-awareness and self-observation – prior to the encounter.  The power of detached observation can lessen the strength or duration of emotional – or ‘pain body’ eruptions. Take-away point:  knowing our reactive patterns can help us to enter those situations in a starting state awareness. Breathing, sensing our body, witnessing and resisting the urge to label or mentally interpret are all strategies that may help, not only in our own flare ups of unconsciousness but also in preventing reaction to others’ strong flare ups. Take-away:  the surface me may ‘lose it’ but as soon as I see that losing it is happening, non-judging observation can bring back presence.  A sense of beingness that goes far beyond the momentary reaction can naturally emerge. Finally, an additional possible approach suggested was to have an open invitation to our partners or teams to ask us whether there is a moment of unconsciousness happening.  Take-away: Others sometimes can see us more clearly and act as a flag for us when needed. One thing that all of us really liked was that Eckhart described a process of awakening that is gradual rather than instantaneous – noting that sudden dissolving of the egoic self that he himself experienced is only the rare exception.  Most of us seem to be in a longer term process of awakening – and dealing with minor ‘surfacing’ of egoic-based tendencies is quite a normal part of the experience. Over time, we may begin to notice that even amidst great anger, pain or despair, there is in the background, an underlying stillness.  This deeper sense of presence may eventually tip the scales and become our predominant sense of being. Great session with a wonderful sharing afterward! Shannon  

Weekend Events at the Centre

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Krishnamurti Study Group Saturday, May 2, 2015 Nine people met to begin the study of chapter 5 in The First and Last Freedom by J. Krishnamurti.  It was a beautiful day for enjoying the property and the spectacular view while at the same time looking into some serious questions.   The chapter is entitled “Action and Idea” and it starts off looking into the relationship between action, the “actor”, and the anticipated result of the action.  K says that action with an end in view creates the “actor”, which is the source of conflict in action.  The reading led to an interesting exploration of these ideas and the possibility suggested by K of action without idea. Inquiry Sunday Sunday, May 3, 2015 The morning session on Sunday included a video interview with Dr P Krishna, former principal of the Rajghat Krishnamurti School in India.  Dr. Krishna had a long time association with K and is very familiar with his teachings.  He is also an excellent speaker who can clearly present his understanding of the ideas that K was attempting to communicate.  Over the course of the interview a range of topics was covered, with a particular focus on the difference between thought and awareness.  Dr. Krishna emphasized that while psychological thought is strongly conditioned, awareness is not conditioned and is able to observe or look directly at the creations of thought and see whether they are true or not.  This is the key to living with clarity and harmony.   Also discussed was the challenge of running Krishnamurti schools with the intention of learning about ourselves and not just about the subject matter required to pass exams and get a job.  Dr. Krishna will be leading a weekend retreat at the Centre in May. The Sunday afternoon session began with a video of K answering the following question during a Saanen gathering in 1980:  “Is our sitting quietly every day to observe the movement of thought by your definition a practice, a method, and therefore without value?”  He began by asking the questioner about the motive for this activity.  Was there a seeking of some experience or achievement, some exalted state of consciousness?  Without seeing what one’s motive is any activity will lead to illusion.  If one’s motives can be observed as part of the inquiry then sitting, standing or walking quietly is significant and necessary.  Then the mind may come upon a silence and depth without being forced or manipulated in any way. Participants then engaged in dialogue on the front lawn of the main house, including some stories of personal meetings with Krishnamurti.  

Ravi Ravindra Weekend Retreat

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  Daily Dying and Living Well Retreat with Ravi Ravindra    For the third year in a row Ravi Ravindra, a PhD and former university professor of physics and philosophy, visited from Halifax to lead a weekend retreat at the Krishnamurti Educational Center of Canada in Metchosin, BC.  The subject of the weekend was death, including the universally recommended “practice” of dying daily in order to fully live, or “dying before we die”.  Ravi gave an introductory presentation on Friday evening at the Centre, attended by 22 people in all.  He asked the audience what questions we have about death and gave an interesting talk on religious and scientific views about death and the possibility of survival beyond the death of the body.  He emphasized that each of us must look into the issue for ourselves rather than accepting any outside authority.  An interesting distinction was the difference between looking into death with a motivation of fear and looking from a sense of wonder.  If we are perceiving from a sense of wonder fear does not exist.  Ravi spoke of the importance of the question “Who am I?”  Who is it that dies, and who is it that lives?  To fully investigate the questions of life and death we must look into the real nature of the “I”.     Sixteen people returned on Saturday for the full weekend retreat.  It consisted of a variety of activities, including guided meditations, exploring Krishnamurti quotations, “observing” without commentary while outdoors in nature, and a good deal of discussion about the central topics of the retreat both in the full group and in smaller groups.  Ravi shared a number of stories relevant to the topics at hand about his meetings and conversations with Krishnamurti.  He also prescribed some writing exercises in which a certain question was asked and the participants were given time of consider it and write their responses.  What would we do if we only had two weeks to live?  What is our expectation about death?  What insight(s) have we had about death over the weekend?  On Saturday evening an audio recording was played of a conversation between Ravi and Krishnamurti on the subject of death.     Many interesting questions and gems of wisdom were presented over the weekend for our contemplation and discussion.  Perhaps one of the most significant focuses for many was the issue of what assists the surrender of the self or ego and what prevents it.  Throughout the retreat Ravi demonstrated a skillful way of inquiring into what is really meant by any statement or so-called authoritative idea, encouraging us to break down unquestioned acceptance and absolutist positions regarding “truth”.  We thus come upon a more open and flexible mode of viewing reality.

Krishnamurti Study Group

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Krishnamurti Study Group Saturday, April 18, 2015 Five people gathered to explore chapter four in The First and Last Freedom by J. Krishnamurti, entitled “Self-Knowledge”.  In this chapter K speaks very pointedly about the necessity of knowing oneself if one is to avoid being driven by the many illusions the unexamined mind can create.  Again, as in the previous chapter, he emphasizes the fact that the world and our society are projections of our own thoughts and beliefs, and the way we act in our relationships creates a ripple effect with widespread implications.  Participants were very much engaged in inquiring into the meaning and significance of K’s words for their lives and daily experience.  The importance of being with and looking into what actually is appeared to be very important rather than setting up ideals of how we would like things to be and attempting to shape our behaviour to those ideals.  It was expressed by most of the group that this chapter was particularly profound for them.  

Victoria Krishnamurti Event

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  Victoria Krishnamurti Event Sunday, April 12, 2015.     Eight people gathered on Sunday afternoon at the Church of Truth in Victoria to contemplate the nature of pleasure and desire, a subject given some importance by Krishnamurti and other spiritual teachers.  The session began with a silent reading of a handout on pleasure taken from the book Freedom From the Known.  This gave some context for the following twenty minute video of K responding to a question about desire and its awakening.  He focused on the possibility of slowing down the process of desiring by paying careful attention to it.  Then a gap can be open up between the contact with an object or an image projected by thought, the resulting sensation, and the movement of thought which then wants to possess that object or fulfill the mental image.  This opening of a space naturally makes desire and the seeking of pleasure less of a driving force. The group then entered into a discussion of what had been read and seen.  Many relevant insights were shared and questions raised.  It often becomes apparent in these dialogues that people take many different viewpoints, even on subjects dealing with more subtle dimensions of life like non-duality.  The need to listen carefully to what each person is saying without quickly reacting and asserting one’s own opinion became evident to me as the facilitator and as a participant.  There was certainly a lively interest in inquiring into the subjects presented. After a tea break we watched a video of Gabor Mate giving a TED talk in Rio de Janeiro.  He spoke of the high cost of addiction in terms of damage to people’s lives and relationships and touched on the sources of addiction in the residual pain from childhood abuse and the sense of inner emptiness that many feel.   It was an excellent talk and very relevant to the exploration of desire and the drive to seek pleasure.  Finally we watched Eckhart Tolle answering a question about how pleasure fits into a spiritual life.  Eckhart covered some similar ground to K and Mate in his own style and ended with the idea that pleasure is not to be judged or avoided but there is also a deeper joy available which effortlessly arises from our contact with Being.  A short discussion followed. It felt like a densely packed afternoon but seemed to be interesting and insightful for the participants.

Eckhart Tolle video/meditation: The Meditation Realization

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This month, 12 members joined together to watch a provocative and playful talk by Eckhart on the difference between having a formal ‘practice’ of meditation vs. making many moments of each day a deeply present experience – unshrouded by thought, anticipation of the next moment, or distraction in multiple directions. He used the metaphor of self as a blank canvas, with thoughts, feelings and beliefs compared to the paint on the canvas… Once these ‘externals’ are recognised as not being the self, we begin to sense more deeply the realisation of our underlying true nature. Eckhart’s discussion about strengthening this inner sense through stillness, nature, and relaxing of constant mind activity offered practical strategies for bringing to life Krishnamurti’s suggestion that we be a light unto ourselves. There were 5 new members and getting to know them over tea afterwards was a pleasure. Thank you again to KECC for hosting us!

Sunday Events at the Centre

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  Inquiry Sunday Sunday, April 5, 2015       On Sunday morning four people gathered to continue with the meditations of Rupert Spira on the nature of our experience. The DVD we have been exploring is The Transparency of Things and this completed our viewing of this particular series of interviews and guided contemplations with Rupert. Participants felt that Rupert is, like Krishnamurti in his time, presenting a radical and fresh perspective on the subject of self understanding and the seeing of reality. His pointings can be most helpful in leading us to a deeper seeing of what is.   The Sunday afternoon session included a showing of a question and answer meeting with Krishnamurti from Saanen, Switzerland. K responded to a question on the nature of desire and how it is awakened. He spoke of how to observe desire as it arises so that there is a gap before one acts and therefore a freedom. This freedom can release us from the sense of being slaves to our desires. The discussion that followed investigated the ideas further in terms of practical experience.