The Bondage of Control: To Control Is To Be Controlled

Can freedom come from control? The very nature of bondage is control, and yet most of us seek freedom through greater and greater control in our lives. Is there a link between psychological suffering and the pervasive need to feel that we are in control? History repeats itself, every single day. When we watch ourselves—when we observe our thoughts and actions on a daily basis—the degree to which we live according to certain patterns becomes glaringly obvious. Most of us take these patterns for granted, or are not even conscious of them, and so we’re not aware of the power they have in our lives. Going a step further, what we understand to be free will and personal agency are deeply governed by these patterns—which are essentially expressions of our conditioning—to the point that we might question the validity of these notions as they are commonly understood. At first, this understanding can be disconcerting; it can be scary to think that we are not really in control of our own lives, but this realization also has the power to release us from a great deal of confusion and suffering. Indeed, the notion of control itself may one of the most deeply embedded illusions in the human mind, and sages throughout history have pointed this out to help us let go of something that causes an immense amount of psychological suffering. This awareness can be freeing, having the power to lead us to a transformative understanding of ourselves. The suffering that arises from our patterns and conditioning is closely tied to misunderstanding. Maya, The Great Illusion (as the term is often described based on Vedic texts), can also be understood as a web of deeply rooted misunderstandings about ourselves and the nature of reality. Why is it that we are so compelled to be in control? What understandings—or misunderstandings—lead us to believe that control is so absolutely imperative to every aspect of our lives? Is it possible that fear and insecurity are behind most expressions of control? There are many answers to these questions, however we might benefit more by not dwelling merely on questions and answers, but rather by passively observing the patterns we live by—which include our judgments and beliefs—and seeing for ourselves the truth behind these patterns and what role they are playing in our own lives. In watching our patterns and gradually (or suddenly) realizing the freedom that lies in letting go of rigid ownership of every thought and action that arises, the possibility of a different way of being arises. We can become aware of certain judgments and beliefs, and instead of automatically agreeing with them or acting on them, we can step back and see what happens if we just let them pass. We can introduce a spaciousness into our awareness that lets us relate to thoughts in intelligent and creative ways, as opposed to being blindly led around by them. With greater awareness comes greater understanding, and we may become aware of certain core beliefs that underlie many of our thoughts. Many people are plagued by thoughts that come from a central belief that they are not whole, that they are not good enough as they are. They may default to thinking they have done something wrong, even when they have actually acted appropriately or even done something good from a place of kindness, creativity or authenticity. Bringing light to such patterns and the beliefs that perpetuate them, we can begin to question their validity and loosen their grip on us. By seeing how we’re acting out patterns and that we’re not unique in this sense, we can have a bit more compassion for ourselves when we make mistakes, as well as for others when they make their own mistakes. We still need to claim responsibility for our actions, but we can also see them from a different angle that makes it possible for us to learn from them and ultimately transform ourselves. Though we think we are in control, this illusion actually binds us to the control of our patterns, of our conditioning, with all their divisive and painful judgments and beliefs. And so, to control is to be controlled. Seeing this as a fact, we might pause and begin to reassess what’s actually occurring in our own lives, what’s driving our thoughts and actions. We can hopefully begin to relax a bit more as we nurture inner peace from a place of awareness, and find some more intelligent and creative approaches to living and relating to each other. JR “Is there in daily existence a way of living in which every form of psychological control ceases to exist?—because control means effort, it means division between the controller and the controlled; I am angry, I must control my anger; I smoke, I must not smoke and I must resist smoking. We are saying there is something totally different and this may be misunderstood and may be rejected altogether because it is very common to say that all life is control—if you do not control you will become permissive, nonsensical, without meaning, therefore you must control. Religions, philosophies, teachers, your family, your mother, they all encourage you to control. We have never asked: Who is the controller?” J. Krishnamurti, The Network of Thought