What is Our Relationship with Each Other?
What is Our Relationship with Each Other?
Dialogue with Jackie McInley online
November 24 – 28, 2021
Jackie McInley joined us for the first time from the UK for five sessions of group dialogue exploring the question “What is our relationship with each other?” Each session was two hours or a little more and was attended by fifteen to seventeen people, including facilitators and staff. Participants were from as far as Australia, Sweden, Guatemala, Edmonton, and Ontario, as well as locals from the Victoria area.
Jackie began with a discussion of the methodology of the group process. Although it can be difficult for a group to consistently follow a thread of inquiry, that is what she suggested we would attempt to do. Normally we put a lot of thought into describing our experience, but in this case we would be observing how that is taking place and thereby penetrating the more superficial layers of our relationships. We would be looking at such questions as the source of our intention in being together as a group. Do we know why we are here? And what is it like if we don’t know? What is the space of not-knowing like? Can there be a gap in the known? If we have an answer we may be closing the space of inquiry. And what is the difference between intellectual “understanding” and fundamental change?
As we look at ourselves, can we forgive ourselves for our conditioned responses to each other and to the questions we ask? Can we see our assumptions and judgements without judgement? Can we see the subtleties of what is going on in our relating? At the same time, can we be kind with each other? Can we have fun with our observing, not having to always “get it right”? The practice of suspending our questions and reactions was explored along with the possibility of seeing the universality and connectedness of our problems and issues rather than merely focusing on the individual person who has an individual issue. Can that be the spirit of our inquiry, as Krishnamurti and David Bohm recommended. And can there be an underlying silence in us even when we are using words? Space and quietness are needed in order to see.
Jackie suggested a few experiments involving a quiet openness to whatever arises in us in the moment rather than a debate or discussion that seeks solutions and answers. The sharing was permeated by pauses and periods of silence from which spontaneous questions and observations could emerge. This allowing of a space of not-knowing was kept in the forefront throughout the five days with questions such as “Are we really listening to each other – and to everything?” and “Are we blocking our creativity by having answers?” “Are we creating a distance between ourselves and another, between a “me” and “my thoughts”? “Are we observing from a distance?” “Are we attached to our thoughts?” “Are we seeking attention or security?” There was an ongoing and rich investigation of our capacity to look and listen, which was pointed out to be more alive and full than the mechanical patterns of the “me”. We looked at the difference between “fact” and “fiction” in our observing and how we are “bound” by our thinking and our words. If there is no attention to this then we just repeat our conditioned responses. Is there something about conditioning that we like? Do we keep things hidden? Can we be attentive even when in a state of reaction and defensiveness?
Some more intimate or penetrating questions were asked. Do we take something from others in our relationships? Is thought capable of respecting boundaries? Does thought use others? What is it in us that can act differently? Is there a part of us that is free of the self? What about the so-called “Higher Self”? Jackie skillfully guided us to stay on track and keep returning to meaningful inquiry. We were encouraged to journal about our responses to what went on in the group and in the smaller ‘’breakout groups”, inviting deeper insight into our patterns of thought and feeling. The dialogue was an immersion in self-awareness and an inquiry into our ideas and concepts about awareness, self-knowledge, and what happens when we observe ourselves with such a persistent and inquiring attitude. For this participant it was a very interesting process which had an effect on my experience of daily life. Included were some experiences of beauty and joy in the “heart”. One additional meeting has been arranged as a further integration and opportunity for self-discovery.
