Self-Inquiry with Hillary Rodrigues, May 21, 2026
We met at Gorge Park Pavilion. The discussion began by returning to the question of fear and its relationship to thought. Participants explored whether fear is simply one human condition among many, like anger, jealousy, loneliness, or desire, or whether it occupies a more central place in psychological transformation. A distinction emerged between biological fear and psychological fear.
The inquiry then turned toward Krishnamurti’s suggestion of beginning with “what is” — observing anger, fear, thought, or any inner movement without escape. Participants explored whether sustained observation reveals that the self is constantly being created through thought and memory. Fear may arise when this psychological structure begins to weaken, which echoes mystical traditions that speak about “dying before you die” or continually dying to the past.
Meditation and silent retreat experiences became another focus. Observations from Vipassana retreats were shared, describing how difficult it is for thought to quiet and how persistent mental movement often prevents deeper contact with underlying fears. Some reflected on powerful moments of silence, existential fear, and the challenge of remaining present without escaping into distraction, conclusions, or new forms of self-construction.
The group also explored the importance of inquiry itself. Questions such as “Who dies?” or “Who am I without thought?” were seen not as problems to solve intellectually but as openings into deeper observation. Krishnamurti’s invitation to remain with a question without immediately seeking answers became a central theme.
Toward the end, the discussion returned to memory, identity, and aging. Reflections on dementia highlighted how much our sense of self depends on memory and accumulated experience. The conversation concluded by returning to Krishnamurti’s notion of “freedom from the known,” recognizing both its depth and the unsettling uncertainty that such freedom may reveal.
- Anastasia Shtamina
