Swanwick Star Issue No. 5 (2012)

EXPERIENCES WITH KRISHNAMURTI AND HIS TEACHINGS

EXPERIENCES WITH KRISHNAMURTI AND HIS TEACHINGS

By Harshad Parekh

I went to the United States for the first time in 1969 to study for a master’s degree in Electrical Engineering at Iowa State University. It was a great cultural shock. I was not exposed to the western culture at all before leaving India. The shock produced loneliness, anxiety about the future, fear of meeting Americans and complete loss in confidence in oneself.

One day in 1972, I was passing by our campus bookshop at Iowa State University. Through a glass window, I saw a book of Krishnamurti, “The Flight of the Eagle”, on display. The photograph and the title of the book attracted me. I knew nothing about Krishnamurti at that time.

I bought the book out of curiosity. As I started reading the book, it had an immediate impact on me. His words were simple. He talked about the problems of daily existence. He talked about fear, loneliness, boredom, anxiety, religious and nationalistic conditioning, and other psychological problems. Through his words, I could see exactly what was going on within me

He asked -” Why are we conditioned by our culture? Why do we think of ourselves as Indians, Americans, Chinese..? Why are we lonely and isolated human beings? Why are we afraid of the future?”

He asked us to look at the source of all psychological problems like jealousy, anxiety, fear and loneliness. He said that thought creates the thinker and then, the thinker tries to change thoughts. The duality between the thinker and the thought creates all psychological problems.

These ideas were completely new to me. I tried to observe the beginning of a thought and the thinker arising out of thought. But every time I tried to observe the beginning of a thought, nothing came to my mind. Only the silent observation existed. So I felt that Krishnamurti was absolutely correct. If there is no thought, there is no thinker and there are no psychological problems.

The observation of the thinking process became the main interest or passion in my life. I could observe clearly the beginning of fear, jealousy, anxiety, and other such feelings. The observation of what is brought about a sense of freedom and confidence. The senses were sharpened. Colors, trees, lights, human faces – everything began to appear clear, beautiful, fresh. I began to take an active part in social activities. I shared apartments with people of various nationalities. I began to express my thoughts and feelings in our campus newspaper. I began to feel that we human beings shared the same consciousness.

For five years I read Krishnamurti’s books. The interest in observing the mechanism of the thinking process intensified with time. It helped in my research work at the university. During these years I completed the Master’s and Ph.D. degrees in Electrical Engineering. I wrote several letters to Krishnamurti. In my first letter, written in 1973, I wrote -“I have been attracted to the teachings of Ramkrishna Paramhansha and Vivekananda for many years. Now reading your books, I understand how far a human being can go in the spiritual dimension.”

I received a letter from Krishnamurti’s secretary. She wrote that Mr. Krishnamurti had read my letter and he hoped that all would be well with me.

I kept on writing letters to Krishnamurti. I expressed what was happening within me. I felt that Krishnamurti’s books had given me a new life – a fresh mind to observe the beauty of nature and the depth of human feelings.

In 1975, I moved to Canada. Now I was working as a Research Associate at University of Waterloo. I was earning money and had holidays too. In 1977 I went to Ojai to listen to K’s public talks for the first time. I was happy to see the man who had affected my life so much. I was happy to see the beauty of oak trees and the hills in Ojai. What he talked about was not new to me. I did not feel anything extraordinary about listening to him.

One day, after the talk, I saw him standing under a tree. He was alone. A friend of mine almost pushed me to meet K. When I came very close to him, he looked at me as if he was not in this world. My mind became blank. I could not say a word, but extended my hand to shake his. We shook hands for a second or two. As I left him, a pleasant cool breeze passed by me.

I visited Ojai again in 1978. I listened to his public talks but there was nothing remarkable about my listening to him

I visited Ojai again in 1979. This, I thought, would be my last visit to Ojai. At that time, I had come close to another spiritual group. I had some very good friends in this group who were urging me to visit their communities in USA and Canada.

In April of 1979, I listened to K with perfect silence and attention. In that state of mind, I could listen to sounds of children playing far away, dogs barking, as well as the meaning behind K’s words. In that state of attention, I saw light radiating from the space around K’s face. In that space, I saw the face of an old man with a long white beard.

The face disappeared after a few seconds, but the silence and attention remained undisturbed. The next day I wrote an affectionate letter to K without mentioning what I saw. The words of the letter came to me in a spontaneous flow. I wrote:

Beloved Krishnamurtiji:

I have always considered you as my grandfather ever since you ignited a flame in my life. That happened about seven years ago when I was a student at Iowa State University. The flame has become brighter with time. I would be glad to dedicate my life to K schools if there is an opportunity. I would like to teach love, beauty and life to children of your schools. I have no experience in teaching these things, but I can at least teach physics and mathematics.

How nice it would be to meet you! But I know there are many people like me who love you and you cannot meet all of us.

With much love,

Harshad Parekh

I gave the letter to Mark Lee to hand it over to K. K must have read the letter. I felt very happy after writing the letter.

A few days after writing the letter, there was a music concert in the Octagonal Pavilion. Lakshmi Shankar had come to sing for K and others.

Before entering the Pavilion, I was talking with someone about K with a deep feeling of love.

We were sitting in the Pavilion. Lakshmi Shankar and her companion were on the stage. I was looking at the musicians. The entrance door was behind us.

We were waiting for K to arrive. Suddenly my heart and brain started throbbing wildly and my face became warm. Then I saw K passing by me and taking his seat in front of the musicians. I closed my eyes. The throbbing went on for few minutes. I opened my eyes. Everything looked divine, clear, beautiful, radiating light. Though we did not look at each other, there seemed to be communion. The throbbing stopped after a few minutes, but it seemed that something new had happened within the brain and the heart.

The next day I wrote another letter to K spontaneously with deep feelings.

Beloved Grandfather:

Your blessings are showering upon me. You have given much. You are too independent to receive anything from anyone but I wish all the remaining years of my life be added to your life. The burning volcano of passion must remain alive for many years to come. The tiger must continue to roar for many years to come.

After giving this letter to Mark Lee to hand it over to K, I left Ojai. My eyes were seeing everything so clear and beautiful. After returning to Canada, I could not sleep for two days. It was very clear that my life was meant for K schools. I wrote another letter to K from Canada.

Beloved Krishnamurtiji:

It is very clear that my life is meant for K schools and Foundations.

Everything I have now belongs to the schools. I have saved about $15000 which I would like to donate to the schools. There is an awaking of love and compassion. Please write to me if there is any possibility for me to teach at any of the K schools.

Only after writing this letter, I could sleep. I knew that my life was changing its direction without any conflicts, doubts, fear, analysis and so on. I received a letter from K dated May 9, 1979 from Ojai.

My Dear Dr. Parekh:

Thank you very much for your letter and your deep interest in the variousFoundations. I talked to Mark Lee and I am afraid there is no place at Ojai for your capacities. Perhaps you might be able to be of great help at Rajghat near Benares or at Rishi Valley in the south. As I am seeing the Principal of Rishi Valley, Mr. G.Narayan, at Brockwood Park in England in a few days, I will talk the matter over with him to write to you. He will naturally want to know your qualifications and so on.

It is very good of you to have written and to be willing to give up everything to work for the Foundations, and most likely it will be in India.

I hope everything will be well with you.

With Best Wishes,
Yours affectionately,
J.Krishnamurti

A few days after K’s letter, I received a letter from Mr. Narayan. He was at Brockwood and so was K. Mr. Narayan suggested that I visit Brockwood and discuss with him and K about my coming to India.

I visited Brockwood for the first time in June 1979. It was a tiring journey from Heathrow airport to Brockwood. I traveled by bus, then by train, and again by bus. Then I had to walk for two hours in the rain, carrying my luggage. When I reached Brockwood, I was very hungry and tired.

After lunch, I was feeling sleepy, but Mr. Narayan suggested that we go to the Grove. The giant redwood trees in the grove looked strangely alive and beautiful. All my tiredness was gone. Then Mr. Narayan said -“Look! Who is there?”. K was in the grove. Probably he was responsible for the extraordinary happiness and energy I felt in the grove.

The next day I had lunch with K. I was a bit shy sitting in front of him but I was neither nervous nor self conscious. He asked me a few questions about my family, whether I was married or not, whether my parents approved of my joining a K school in India and giving up my job in Canada. I told him that there were no problems and I was free to do what I enjoyed most. Then he said -“Try for a year or two at Rishi Valley. It is possible that you may not like us or we may not like you.” I thought -“Sir, I do not want anything from anybody. If people at Rishi Valley do not like me, I will go away.” I did not say this but I think he understood what I felt. Then he said -“If I may suggest, do not stay at one place for too long.” I immediately said -“Sir, it does not matter where I go.” He said -“Yes, I know that.”

I went to Rishi Valley in November 1979. The school van came to Madanpalle to pick me up. As the van entered the campus, I saw K coming out for his evening walk. When the van reached the guest house, I felt an extraordinary beauty around me. I felt that this place would be my home.

I had an opportunity to meet K in Rishi Valley individually and also in small groups. Several times I felt that extraordinary sense of happiness, beauty, otherness in his presence. This happened by itself – not during talks and dialogues but during music and dance programs.

K passed away in 1986. I continued to teach in Rishi Valley up to 1998. I was at Rajghat for a year in 1983 and at Brockwood Park in 1989. Then I taught at Sahyadri School from 1998 to 2004 and at Valley School in Bangalore from 2004 to 2007. I retired from teaching in April 2007. I continue to visit all these schools and also schools in Ojai and Brockwood Park. All these places are beautiful. It was a great privilege to teach at all these places. I always wanted to teach in a school and I have fulfilled my desire.